The year that was

I'm wearing a rather remarkable shirt, one that makes me feel like a clown fooling around in a graveyard. Roving eyes latch on to me and make me too conscious of myself. Checkered in red, grey, black and maroon, I've excused myself into donning it and looking silly for two reasons. It's Friday and…more importantly, the last working day of the year. Tailored half-a-year back, I never had the courage to wear it, not until today.

It's that time of the year when it's time to reflect on the events that transpired. Last year ended on the worst possible note. Dad had expired and I was numb with shock. The repercussions rippled halfway thought this year. Things were so abysmal initially that I had lost the will to live. Acrid in everything I did, I was immensely angered by time phlegmatically flowing through its cadence. It was as if Dad meant nothing to anybody. What right did people have to live the way they always had when Dad was no more? Why was much of the world still ignorent of my grief? The light of my life, the essence of my soul was gone and there hardly seemed any reason for me to go back to my previous self.

Yet the wheels of change wouldn't stop. I finally had to abdicate Kolkata for Bangalore and start life anew. My daily routine bore no resemblance to what it was previously. I had a new city, new life, new career, new colleagues and new friends. Reminiscing had almost become a luxury, though I sometimes managed to steal some time and think of what a wonder camaraderie Dad and I shared. But so many things that should have been shared remained unshared. So many things that should have been said remained unsaid. So many things that should have been done remained undone. So many dreams that should have been fulfilled remained unfulfilled. So many promises that should have been kept remained unkept. My eyes moistened and I secretly cried. Though the recuperation will never be consummated, life must go on.

It's a wonder that I've survived an entire calendar year without Dad. It's a wonder still that the future beckons me with unfurled arms. To it I must surrender.

I wish everyone a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Comments

David Cowan said…
"To it I must surrender." What a beautiful eulogy. You have mastered the art of telling a complete story within a blog post. You are honest and you make the reader root for you. I'm sure your father would have loved it.
deepanjan said…
Thanks, David!
I'll be a regular visitor to your excellent blog.
Vivek said…
Happy New Year to you too Deepanjan.
deepanjan said…
Thanks and same to you, Robert!
Ajay Dhyani said…
HAPPY NEW YEAR DEEPANJAN . DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR SHIRT YOU ARE REALLY LOOKING GOOD WEARING IT.
Sameer said…
Miracle of all miracles, even chimapanzees read your blog. Happy New Year to sll of you even to the tree dwellers like Dhayni.
Anonymous said…
Happy New Year to U too....U really write creatively I must say though I know U dont need a certificate from me ..me 2 missing my grandfather with whom I have spent most of my valuable time..........I know ur pain but trust me they r still alive in us ..have a rocking new year
Sweta Raj
Sameer said…
Funniest thing in the whole wide world, the simian also maintains a blog. What are we going to see next, pigs flying around?
deepanjan said…
Here's wishing the good-for-nothing satirist (Sameer) a Very Happy New Year!
deepanjan said…
Have a Fabulous New Year, Sweta RAJ!

Addendum: The 'RAJ' appendage is used to reduce ambiguity. I hope you don't mind my doing so!
Anupam said…
A very Happy New Year to all of U ...Hope this new year brings all the happiness that u have wished for. And heyy keep us updated on the new year bash that everyone's attending
deepanjan said…
Nice 2 hear from u, Anupam.
Wish You A Happy & Heppy 2006!
Ajay Dhyani said…
DEEPANJAN I DON'T TAKE SERIOUSLY WORD'S SAID BY A CLOWN LIKE SAMEER AND IF THE CLOWN IS WORKING IN *** THEN IT'S A DUTY AND SHOULD BE A NEW YEAR RESOLUTION FOR ME TO KEEP FORGIVING SUCH A STUPID ,
HORRIBLE LOOKING , LARGE SHAGGY-HAIRED BLACK BISON OF PUNE FOR ALL HIS STUPID ACTIVITIES.
Sameer said…
Ha Ha Ha

I love you dearest Dhyani. Today I am a little free from work. I am just making up for all the fun that I missed all these days that I was working. There is so much to catch up with, so many people to pester today. From tomorrow, I go back in the grinder.

By the way, Dhyani, it was nice to see you departing from the words that you usually use. But, don't make it a habit. Bye
deepanjan said…
With Sameer around, the new year holds much promise!
Sameer said…
Hello Anupam, are you by any chance Anupam Narayan from our MCA batch?

Now, whatever be your answer, I know I am going to be laughed at for asking this question. But if you are, then this is serious. I strongly believe that the governments of the countries of this planet should do everything in their power, including the deployment of powerful nuclear weapons, to prevent Deep from infecting mankind with the blogging virus.
-J said…
A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR^2 to you as well Deep! I hope you're enjoying your last day at work :) I'd be surprised if you didn't...judging by the traffic of comments ;)
Ajay Dhyani said…
Sorry Sameer if you thinking that i am departing from the words that i usually use.
The thing is i don't want deepanjan to pull his own hair's like a maniac after reading those word's being used on his blog which are solely and exclusively made for you my love.
And if you want to check it out you send me the url of your blog
and this is a promise of a gentleman i am surely gonna Rock your world like anything.
deepanjan said…
Your silence was killing me, Sittu!
Wish you a Fabulous New Year!
Anonymous said…
No I dont mind ATALL. But as the great people say "But, don't make it a habit"
deepanjan said…
Sure!
But your identity crisis may cause problems! Don't make it a habit. Type your name in the space provided!
Anonymous said…
I won't make it a habit ....It was me SWETA RAJ....And bye for today as m going back early today 2 have sum fun.
-jahnvee said…
Deep, umm... nevermind. I forgot what I was going to ask! I'm losing my mind today..

Anyway, am retiring for the night. Take good care of yourself. Will be waiting for more of your ever zestful blogs in the new year :)

Au revoir!
deepanjan said…
Good night & adios to you!
Rakesh said…
A Happy New Year You Deep & all Readers of Yours Blog.
deepanjan said…
Here's wishing Rakesh a
FANTASTIC
&
FUNTASTIC
NEW
YEAR!
Bads said…
Hey who the hell is this joker Sameer? He seriously has got a problem. Where the hell are you from buddy? Deepanjan - give me some more details about this character. Would like to straighten him a bit so that his attitude becomes a little more tolerable. Never knew you had jokers like him reading your Blog. Funny you actually keep such persons in your mailing list.
Sameer said…
He He He bads dear!!!
Nice to see you pissed off!!!
What could a worm like you possibly do to me. Keep your mouth shut if you don't want me to squish under my boot.
Sameer said…
Hey Deep!!! Not just are you amassing a fan following through your blog. I guess my exploits on your blog are also adored by people from far and wide.
Oh sorry, not people, WORMS from far and wide.
deepanjan said…
Bads, it's okay. Sameer is one of my best pals from BIT. We love making each other's lives miserable. You'll adore him once you meet the real him.
Believe it or not, he strongly resembles you personality wise!!! You folks could be the best of friends. But don't bother, life is merrier not acknowledging his existence!
Sameer said…
Deep, do you know bads personally?
Sameer said…
And is this 'Anupam' our Anupam Narayan?
deepanjan said…
Sameera, you have a magnetic influence on people. Ironically, though, repugnance is where you choose to excel!
deepanjan said…
Sameer, Bads is my dearest school friend.
deepanjan said…
Yes, it's 'our' Anupam Narayan!
Bads said…
Peace!!
As long he is your friend.. Else He will be shocked to see what a worm can do - starting with his computer.

As far as squishing on my Boots dear. Careful!! they hit it right where it hurts the most.
Bads said…
Deepz...where's the blog we talked about. I am sure it would e a nice way to start the New Year. And stay away from pubs and dance clubs this witm will you. Bangalore ain't safe anymore after I've left.

Sameer - sorry about that. Guess you were asking for it. But - apologies from my end.
deepanjan said…
Bads, can you imagine me going to a pub or dance club? I'm an established teetotaller.
Which blog are you talking about? The one on fiction? It's too early for that!! If you're referring to my non-existent girlfriends, well, that would be fiction by default! Funny thing, even strangers on Sulekha are asking me to write about my love life. If only ladies found me that adorable!!
Sigh!
-j said…
You're ADORABLE with CAPS on Deep!
Sameer said…
Deep, your blog was a much better place during our project days. The only people visiting it were our buddies from our MCA batch all of whom knew each other and we could speak our mind freely. It was a replacement of our group sans all the restrictions.

Now, the traffic on your blog has increased. There are strangers here who just can't mind their own business. Then there are other bloggers who really respect you for your writing and are hoping to see some good comments and I guess they are left disappointed reading the kind of comments you get.

Also with such sites like Sulekha and Answers.com scrutinizing your blog, I am not sure whether it would be right for me to continue posting comments.

And Deep, if you have such a psychopath like Bads here as your friend, I wonder why you chose not to make friends with Manuj. I believe he was much better off than your deranged friend here.
Sameer said…
I miss our Yahoo group.
deepanjan said…
Sameera, I must strongly protest. Even you and I were strangers during our initial days in the institute. What would have happened if we chose never to get acquainted with each other? We would remain strangers and I would have missed out on discovering what a great guy you were! We were all born strangers into the world. The world would be equally strange today if we chose never to break the ice. Buddy, widen your horizon. You'll discover wonderful people out there. Strangers are strangers simply because you let them be. Weird though it may sound, I've always had a problem making friends. And that's exactly why I appreciate the virtues of getting acquainted with people.
Regarding the quality of comments, well, I have absolutely no reservations against people speaking their minds. I'm completely open to everyone exchanging ideas here. Also, I would not like your staying away from commenting simply because of Answers.com or Sulekha.com coming into the picture. That would be really silly.
I can easily vouch for Bads beings one of the most precious friends I've ever earned. The problem here is that the two of you are exactly alike!! The written word, stripped of its tone, runs the risk of being grossly misinterpreted. Anyway, what's life without a little friction? It only makes things more interesting! But what's critically important is to acknowledge one's mistakes. Bads has done his job on this front.
-J said…
Sameer I'm crushed :(
Sameer said…
This Bads is apologizing but hardly seems apologetic. Read his comment and you will agree to what I am saying. He does have a very bad way of making a first impression.

Give him my details he so
desparately seeks and I will make sure his dearest mommy will not be able to differentiate his head from his butt when she is called in to identify his cadaver.

And don't delete this comment, atleast not until he has read it. If this is the kind of treatment I am going to get, I choose never ever to visit your blog after today.
-j said…
this is horrendous. ther's a limit to everything..just ruined my day. THANKS DAMMIT
Sameer said…
I am hardly like your friend Bads. I joke but with only those who understand that I am joking. Never once has any of my targets left the scene enraged at me. At the end of the day, I make it sure that the good mood is not spoiled. Even when I intend to crack jokes on a new fellow, I make it certain that he/she is well acquainted with me and has seen my behaviour with the others before I do so.

You know Deep, I have always maintained a distance from your friends and fans not known to me. I have never once counter commented or irked them in any way or even when I have done so, I have done it to the least degree and sincerely apologised at the smallest hint of annoyance. I could have driven them away by making such statements as your dear friend made.

He just pops out from the blue and thinks he could make a statement and escape with it does he? He is lucky today is a holiday and that none of the other guys are here. Or else he would have regretted making that statement for the rest of his life. As for me, I am done with this blog.

PS: - Sorry Jahnvee if anything I said offended you.
Bads said…
Hi Sameer

My name is Badri. Sorry for having been a spoilsport. Sincere apologies this time buddy.
Deepz any blogs on the Pre-historical Radio which your Dad used to use? I miss Jim Reeves and Kenny Rogers.
deepanjan said…
Badri, it was so very nice of you to apologize. I appreciate it. As for Sameer, the ball is in his court now. If he spurns your move to bury the hatchet, I won't forgive him.
I'll write about my beloved radio soon. I've already snapped a photo which will go along with the post.
Jim Reeves & Kenny Rogers, yes, I miss them too. But I do manage to pluck their songs from Yahoo! radio sometimes.
Vivek said…
Annnnd .... it's a new record for the most no of comments on a post on Deepanjan's blog. Deep, your blog's become happening, man!
deepanjan said…
Not all the 'happenings' were nice, Viv! Just look at how acrimonious some of the last posts were.
Vivek said…
Don't take it to heart yaar, just Sam being his usual self.
Zoya said…
"acrimonious"...great word! Deep and all the rest of you guys - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I hope you all had a great time celebrating. Deep, how did you spend the big night?
deepanjan said…
I agree, Viv! Our sugar boy goes through his own cycles!
I hope you had a memorable transition into the new year.
deepanjan said…
Zoya, a description of the BIG NITE will be published tomorrow. But I'm looking forward to reading your account of the same. Write something, dear!
Sameer said…
Sittu & Rob, I am sure you both would have loved being threatened and barked at by some rabid dog wouldn't you? For once, put yourself in my shoes and then judge this incident.

And Deep, all this seems like big joke to you doesn't it. 'Sugar Boy' is it? I guess you have started taking me for granted. You have always seen my better side. You haven't seen how bitter I can get when I am piqued which is what you are going to see for the remainder of your life.

And Sittu, I know what exactly you mean when you say 'Grow Up' and that is what I am going to do.
Vivek said…
Deep, I did have a memorable transition into the new year.

And Sam, c'mon, quit calling Badri names .... he's already apologised twice.
deepanjan said…
Sameer, I concur with Vivek. Please stop this sarcasm. It's getting a bit ugly.
BTW, how did u spend the maiden day of the new year? Did you have maidens for company?
Manteswari said…
Happy New Year "2006" to you Deepanjan and all who are in connection through this blog.
May this year brings lots of fun through this blog and expecting such a big thoughts from deep
andrew said…
this elegaic prose is so beautiful. i hope that you keep writing.

even tho we sometimes disagree, i'm glad to be able to read your thoughts, to be transported into your world through your carefully wrought stories.

every blessing in the new year!

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